I’m going to list some things I’m grateful for from this last week and deny any mental attempts to twist them into negatives, and then I’m going to list things that caused me pain but find gratitude in them, and finally I’m going to list a few things that tend to cheer me up, and plan time to do them in the next few days.

I’m grateful for

• patiently handling another week of calls, and allowing myself to work simply without spiraling and interrupting my progress.
• being able to eat plentifully, and not judging myself too harshly for it. Stress eating is a coping mechanism, and I appreciate my ability to cope regardless of the long-term productivity of it.
• my brother and friends coming to help me take down the shed, and my neighbor assisting me with tools and a dumpster to dump the scrap wood. The feelings of negativity from “not doing enough of the work” do not take away from the blessing it is to have people who care about me enough to help when I ask. This project was overwhelming for me, even in the process of taking it down, and I am grateful for the people who helped me with it.

I’m stressed about

• working on the phones, but I’m glad that I’ve had enough experience with them to know it is not going to break me. I’m also glad that I’ve gotten to know enough about my supervisors to trust they will not fire me or reprimand me too harshly for working within my own limits.
• hearing about my wife’s stresses in couples therapy, and also facing gentle corrections from the therapist that make me judge myself negatively, but I’m glad to be starting this process. Facing discomfort is how we grow, and I’ve specifically chosen my partner because I found her possessing traits I did not have. Possessing traits that she does not have is a positive, not a negative, because through trusting one another and spending time with this process we help each other to develop and grow. Challenge is important, and begets change. Challenge without change is just friction, and it’s friction that damages relationships, not challenge. Change is a sign of trust and love, and I and my wife are both demonstrating the ability to change for one another. This is positive, it shows our love for one another and our desire to put the other person above ourselves, give ourselves stress in the hope we change for the better to better suit our partners.

Things that cheer me up include

• exercise – its a physical challenge that feels good when I overcome my own doubts and push my body into motion. It feels good to be active, and doing different activities is fun and stimulating, it helps ground me in my body and feel more connected to my physical self. I exercised today, and I’ll be working hard this Saturday putting up the gutters with my uncle.
• adventuring – exploring in my physical space is one of the most relaxing things I can recall doing. Simply leaving my house and not knowing where I’ll end up lets each new experience be stimulating and free of doubt. I suppose that adventuring is the physical equivalent of mindfulness, being centered in the present, making choices based on my physical surroundings, and finding new and exciting things to look at or try out. I plan to take an adventure this Sunday morning if I have the time, perhaps into PA or upriver and explore that old river freight building on the banks of the Delaware river.
• writing – its cheering me up right now! blogging has helped me to process things that would not have otherwise come to mind, and also helped me locate stress points and resolve them. It helps to focus my mind, and makes me feel more connected to my mental self. I’m grateful for MY OWN ability to put things into words, and that it seems to help me. I’ve written today, and I plan to write again this Sunday to document an adventure I might take in the morning.
• reading – its satisfying to read a good story and become immersed in the characters and their journeys. Lately I’ve been able to identify even more closely with the social conflicts of the characters as well, which suggests to me I’m more socially aware now than I was in my late teens when I last read regularly. Reading also focuses the mind, and I’m SO GRATEFUL for my ability to read and enjoy these stories so directly. I plan to read at work today, but reading at home afterwards would be a good idea as well, instead of spending time on my phone tonight I might read for an hour or so before bed.