Anger has been a large part of my experience lately. Despite the overall positive mood, I feel mildly worried, bitter, frustrated, and distant from my partner. Meditation is something I’d like to bring closer to an everyday, teeth-brushing level of regularity, and I think that’s achievable.

I’ve noticed mindfulness actively helping over the last few days. I’ll have a fierce emotional upswell and, as I notice the rising tension & rumination, I puncture the cycle with mindful interventions. Sometimes its asking myself “what is a thought” as I observe the thought arriving, sometimes its checking in with my physical body and releasing contraction or physical tension, and sometimes its simply understanding that thoughts are arriving outside of my control, and allowing them to pass cleanly through the mind without judgement or dwelling upon them. I feel much more inclined towards peace & peacefulness, and its a noticeable change.

If I can track mood patterns over time though, I’ve been in a positivity upstate for a while now, which tends to collapse under itself in the face of a stressor (usually social) or some sudden unexpected negative event. The next few days will be high in socialization, offering a potential for negativity afterwards. In light of this, I’d like to see if I can more mindfully navigate these upcoming events with friends and family, and watch if that affects my experience in any way.

What are some ways to mindfully interact with friends and family? With a certain couple of friends I have a tendency to vent/express frustration to them. These friends we haven’t been able to see in a while, and so I’d like to take the time seeing them again to enjoy their presence, spend meaningful time together, and try not to dominate too much of that time in negativity. One of them just finished a very hard semester, so a lot of praise and good feedback would probably be taken well there. I also plan to make them breakfast, which will be a nice experience full of generosity and mutual appreciation.

Another event is approaching with a different, older friend group of mine as well. These friends and I have lots of history together, and at a few events with them in the last year or so I have felt direct social anxiety. I’m weighing currently whether or not to share the autism diagnosis I received in January, but I’m not sure it would be appropriate or not. I was also going to ask if any of them wanted to go skydiving, but I should be prepared to receive a denial there, everyone has different things on their plate at the moment and they are very busy.

Finally, we have the family event. This one will be special, because I haven’t seen most of them in a while. I plan to relax as much as I can, and just answer questions honestly and spend the rest of my time enjoying seeing people.