Hello again,

There’s been an increase in neutral mood these last 3 weeks. Part of which I assume is concerned with the increase in food noise from stopping my weight-loss medication. My partner has noticed that I’ve been expressing more frustration recently, so I can certainly say that my temper has been shorter than usual.

I’ve also felt a sense of fatigue increasing around the same time as a diversion of my usual sleeping patterns. There have been more times that I’ve stayed up late, and more times I’ve struggled to get up early. All this could be connected with the change in the medication, or it could be related to greater instances of eating unhealthy foods.

I checked my mood chart and here’s what the cues were since last month:

• spending time with friends
• spending time with family
• working from home
• receiving compliments
• cooking / eating good food
• exploring new places
• reading books that I like

And here’s what the cues are for the negative/neutral days last month:

• feeling worn out
• feeling scattered
• feeling mental fatigue
• feeling frustration
• rough day at work
• messing up cooking
• spending less time with my partner
• stressful conversations
• food cravings / overeating

In summary, it seems like the greatest mood stabilizers AND destabilizers include food and social activity. I think I’ll discuss this at my next therapy session, along with mentioning my goal for directed actions this upcoming year.

Another thing to note is that the negativity cues include more feelings recorded. I can recall feeling things like satisfaction, pride, or productivity on positive days, but I did not record those feelings. Perhaps this indicates an imbalance of focus towards negative feelings? Mentioning again, during a prior conversation with my therapist, I said I’d like to spend these last few weeks this year with Lightness, Appreciation, and Equanimity.

Lightness means moving freely along in time without getting weighed down by or clinging to anything. It can mean positivity, or in negative times simply lack of personal attachment to suffering. I want to be light. I want to move lightly. I want to think lightly on things.

Appreciation means understanding how lucky I am, expressing gratitude for myself and my circumstances, and taking good care of myself. I want to appreciate my life. I want to feel appreciation. I want to appreciate myself and my environment by caring for it.

Equanimity means allowing the good and the bad to be as they are. Not ruminating on the negative and not clinging to the positive. Simply allowing the self to recognize the experiences it is having, and understanding the illusion of it all as a sustained narrative. I want to practice Equanimity.

That’s all for now.